Teach, Don’t Tighten: Lessons from a Third Grade AAU Debut

Opening weekend reveals everything

There’s something special about opening weekend.

Not because of wins and losses—but because of what it reveals.

This past weekend, our Huntsman third grade AAU team stepped onto the court for their very first tournament. New faces. New environment. New challenges. And for many of them, a completely new version of basketball.

A new level of the game

AAU basketball hits different.

The officiating? Inconsistent.
One possession it’s tight, the next it’s physical.
For eight- and nine-year-olds, that’s a lot to process.

Then you add in defensive schemes—zones, traps, presses—things many of these kids have never seen before. Most of them are coming from a world of simple man-to-man concepts. Now they’re trying to read a 2-3 zone or handle pressure they’ve never experienced.

That confusion is real.

And as coaches… we can’t forget that.

The reminder we all need as coaches

Sometimes, in the heat of competition, we forget their age.

We’re teaching, correcting, instructing—but if we’re not careful, teaching can turn into yelling. And yelling can turn into frustration. And frustration… shuts kids down.

Let me be clear—there’s a difference between raising your voice and losing your purpose.

A coach is a teacher first.

And I had to check myself this weekend.

When yelling outweighs teaching, we’ve lost sight of the mission.

Now—can you raise your voice? Absolutely.

But here’s the challenge I’m giving myself and every coach reading this:

Can your voice energize instead of intimidate?
Can your tone unlock players instead of tighten them?

Because when kids play in fear—they freeze.
When kids play with confidence—they grow.

Not all teams start the same

Let’s be real—some teams come in polished.

They’ve had high-level training.
Their basketball IQ is advanced.
They’ve been prepared by parents, trainers, and coaches long before AAU season starts.

And that’s okay.

But every coach has to evaluate their team.

Where are your kids at?
What do they understand?
What do they need?

Because coaching a highly experienced group and coaching a developmental third grade team… are two completely different jobs.

Coaches have to grow too

This morning, I woke up early and went back to the film.

Not just to evaluate the kids…
But to evaluate myself.

We expect players to adjust quickly.
We demand growth from them immediately.

So the question is—

Are we doing the same as coaches?

Because if we’re not growing, we’re holding them back.

The real scoreboard

At the end of the day, it’s bigger than basketball.

Wins matter. Development matters. Execution matters.

But here’s the real question I’m asking myself:

When they leave the gym… do they love the game more?
Do they feel confident?
Do they say, “I love playing for Coach Tray”?

Because if the answer is yes—
we’re doing something right.

Coach’s challenge

Today’s challenge isn’t just for my team—it’s for me.

How can I be better?
How can I teach clearer?
How can I lead stronger?
How can I help these kids succeed—not just as players, but as people?

That’s the mission.

— Coach Tray