Guiding vs. Making — Because Every Child Is Different
In youth sports, there’s a thin line between making a child do something and guiding them toward something.
And if you’ve coached long enough, you know the difference matters.
Every family is different. Every child is different.
This isn’t about one right way. It’s about understanding temperament, goals, personality, and purpose.
Some kids wake up chasing the grind. Others need a nudge. And some need consistent structure to match the dreams they say they want.
Today’s story is about one of those kids.
The Reluctant Grinder
Her name is Braydee — but I call her, “41.”
She’s the little sister of Braelynn — a certified go-getter who was recently named to her junior high All-Star Game. A well-earned honor that reflects countless unseen hours in the gym.
Now imagine being the little sister.
Imagine watching your sibling thrive. Imagine the comparisons. Imagine the quiet rivalry that can exist — even when love runs deep.
Because make no mistake — these sisters love each other and have each other’s backs.
But every child processes that dynamic differently.
Playing Up and Growing Up
This year, Braydee was selected to play up on the 8th grade team due to low numbers at her school. It wasn’t her first time playing above her age group. She’s done it before at the elementary level.
And she didn’t just survive.
She had success.
She competed. She held her own. She grew.
That doesn’t happen by accident.
The Honest Reality
There have been plenty of training sessions where Braydee walked into the gym visibly not thrilled to be there.
You can tell when a kid didn’t choose the car ride.
Her family’s motto is simple: “If we’re going to do something, we’re going to give our best foot forward and work on our craft.”
I agree with that wholeheartedly. I hold my own kids to that same standard.
But here’s where the lesson lives:
They aren’t making her chase a dream she doesn’t have. They’re guiding her to honor the dream she says she wants.
There’s a difference.
The Shift Happens Inside the Gym
Braydee might walk in reluctant.
But once the ball starts bouncing… Once the reps begin… Once the sweat starts falling…
She settles in.
She works.
And she wins the day.
That’s guidance.
Because nobody can make a kid love it. But structure can help them push past feelings long enough to discover discipline.
Investment Over Emotion
If Braydee doesn’t put in those years of hours — especially on the days she doesn’t feel like it — she’s not: • Playing up on school teams • Competing in a junior high All-Star game • Getting exposure alongside top talent in her class • Playing on an Elite 40 AAU team
That consistency matters.
I didn’t grow up in a family that invested in me that way.
That doesn’t mean it’s the only way to succeed.
But I’ve observed something over nearly 30 years in the game:
Higher-level families understand this.
It’s an investment.
Sometimes it’s inconvenient. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable. Sometimes it costs time, money, energy, and patience.
But investments, when nurtured, bear fruit.
Making vs. Guiding
Making says: “You’re going because I said so.”
Guiding says: “You told me this was your goal. I’m helping you honor it.”
Making forces identity.
Guiding builds it.
Making creates resentment.
Guiding builds resilience.
The goal isn’t to control the child.
The goal is to develop the child.
The Mindset Shift
One of the most powerful lessons young athletes can learn is this:
Instead of saying, “I have to go work today.”
Say, “I get to go work today.”
That shift changes everything.
Because access to opportunity is a privilege.
Gyms are privileges. Coaches are privileges. Healthy bodies are privileges.
Final Thoughts
Shout out to Braydee. Shout out to Braelynn. Shout out to every player, boys & girls, honored this season.
Keep working. Keep getting after it.
This path — consistent work, even when you don’t feel like it — isn’t the only way to reach your dreams.
But it’s a very popular one.
And if guided correctly?
It doesn’t just build better athletes.
It builds stronger humans.